Over these past years, there’s one thing I found I am not good at. Pitching or querying. So imagine my surprise when my pitch made it through the first round (the pitch round) of ABNA…Shocked, breathless, definitely disbelieving.
I’m showing you my pitch because we’re all curious about what sort of pitch or query is thought to be “winning” enough. Now, I’ll admit, two days after they closed submissions, I looked at this and almost puked. I think it’s bad. That said, I used my 3-sentence pitch for my hook, which I absolutely adore, so I can’t help but wonder if that was enough to push me through.
In a world where women are a rare commodity, Emma is one of man's greatest enemies. She fights for freedom but is held captive by the love of two men-one her husband, the other her worst enemy. If only she could remember which one is which.
In DOPPELGANGER, Emma wakes knowing only what her husband tells her-that she has had an accident. An accident that left her with no memory of her past. It is not long before remembering is far more trouble than she ever anticipated. She begins having nightmares about a war she fights to free young girls meant for the slavery of marriage, a childhood spent in a compound where escape means execution, but worst of all, a grieving man who holds her hostage in a tank of water. If they did not raise so many questions, she would happily succumb to a life of bliss with her husband, willingly letting her past go for good.
With a new career as a talented artist, and expecting nothing short of a quiet, happy marriage, a new dream surfaces that is more disturbing then the nightmares. A honeymoon on a beach she has been painting without realizing its significance and an overwhelming feeling of love she cannot ignore. And though she cannot see his face, she knows he is not her husband-not the one she has just given her heart to.Emma's past struggles to resurface whether she likes it or not. And while some dreams prove this past must belong to someone else, she still finds herself inexplicably drawn to it and longs to finally get some answers. The longer it takes, the more torn she feels between the man claiming to be her husband and the one she believes really could be.
What parts do you think I could lose/tweak? What grabbed you? Any suggestions would be great. While I hope to win ABNA, I’m not holding my breath. (But OMG, could you imagine?! I would DIE.) I’m going to just attempt to go on as if this isn’t happening (for my own sanity) and proceed as normal: Preparing my package to query in April.
LOL, I keep thinking the same things!
ReplyDeleteI think the first and last paragraphs are what pulled me in. The middle two seemed long, but I can't put my finger on what to tweak. Well, really its' the 3rd paragraph that I think you could drop entirely? But then you lose the image of the other man, unless that's the same man mentioned in paragraph 2?
Sorry, I'm probably not making any sense. And really who cares? It got you through, right?!
Congratulations, Misty, on such good news. I read through your pitch, and I think it sounds like a great read.
ReplyDeleteThe main thing that troubles me with this is the use of the word husband twice in the earlier part. It's like a given, but she has no memory, so I, personally, would make his role a little more vague. He may claim to be her husband, but she can't know this.
Just my two cents. Obviously, others feel differently about it.
Keep us informed of how it's going.
Great suggestions!
ReplyDelete@Charity, I definitely see what you're saying:) I'll have to try to trim the important stuff out of those 2 paras and combine to make one tight para. Makes total sense. Now if I can actually do it, lol.
Congratulations! It has me intrigued - no wonder it won!
ReplyDeleteYour pitch was amazing! Congrats and best of luck!
ReplyDelete